life of a closet beat boxer
by tazzledmuch
Summary: fourteen year old girl finds herself sucked into her favorite book, pushed out of lunch lines by unbearable cousins and has somewhat complained of the cabbagy smell of circus performers.


I hate Monday's, because that means that I have to get up in the morning; and go to school. Get verbally assaulted by my cousin Darla Duran and her group of bitches. Get pushed out of the lunch line by oh I don't know Darla. I mean what kind of name is Darla. It's kind of stupid. No offence to the other Darla's out there.

Unfortunately I live with my cousin and her parents Peter and Veronica Duran. They told me they had found me Laying in their bathtub when I was one. A tiny drooly tiny lttle baby thing. They also told me that my parents had died in a hot air balloon accident. Tragic I know. A likely story, but whatever.

Now I am fourteen and since then I've been living in the hall closet. Passing the time beat boxing until one in the morning or until my aunt and uncle yell for me to shut up.

I just know that someday somewhere out there! I will become the greatest Jedi knight EVUR!

Well maybe not… but a girl can dream about having super cool awesome magical powers, right?

So today is Monday and I am sitting on my tiny starving American ass braiding my blood red colored hair at the neighborhood library. My hair is cool it has bleach blond side bangs. I bet everyone reading this is jealous of my Gryffindor colored hair. NOT! Any way everyone's hair is as good as anybody else's in this boring world of boring. I'm sitting in the library with the fourth harry potter book on my lap, looking occasionally at passerby's hair. Hair is so cool and sometimes I'm a bit jealous I couldn't have been born a brunette. Instead I was born with these to Unnatural hair colors. God I look like a clown. Um no offence to circus people but you all smell weird. But on the other hand maybe it's those fog machines that you all use for your performances. But whatever you still smell funny. Sorry circus folks but its true. So true it hurts.

Did you know I'm double jointed and I can gross people out by imitating Elmo, Ummm…..

Oops! Getting a tiny bit off the topic.

So here I am starting to read the goblet of fire and sometimes admiring the hair people have, when I get a funny feeling the page I am turning is sticking to my hand. I try to get it off with my other hand when both my hands get stuck to the books pages. CRAP! I try to swing the book off of my hangs, only to end up running in circles and ending up knocking some sixty year old woman over. Sadly she was carrying her over weight cat and I accidentally made it fly out her arms knocking it with my book into one of the book shelves.

They are both unconscious now, but otherwise okay. I don't know about me though. The book is practically eating me alive. Half of my arms are gone. I'm being sucked like a bowl of noodles into the very pages of the library book.

By the time my head reaches the inside of the book. I find myself falling downward landing on top of something soft but with greasy hair. Uh can someone say 'oh my gosh a grease ball…'

But as I have come to land on this greasy soft thing, that I have squished like a pancake; I find myself falling asleep randomly on top of him. At least I think it's a him. I'm so not sorry for landing on him. In fact I'm glad I did. His flat predicament delayed a death that would have ended quite tragically, my head would have probably rolled off if that guy hadn't been there. Now I can die of old age in the future. A wrinkly old dog lady, cause I'd rather not be an old cat or bird lady. Any way back to being asleep. on the flat grease ball.

I was dreaming about twilight… it was kind of weird. Bella was played by Miley Cyrus, Jacob was jack black only he could turn into a fluffy pink poodle all the pack could. Edward was played Justin Beiber. Charlie was played by Chris tucker. Jack sparrow was lorant, james was wolverine from x-men. jasper was played by billie boyd apparently he was still a hobbit in this one. Emmett was played by the cookie moster. Ummm… and victoria was Helena Bonham Carter. Aro was owen Wilson. Carlisle was Kermit the frog. Esme was Michelle Obama. Alice was Barbara Streisand, Rosalie was kim kardashian. Mike newton was Anakin skywalker.

Let me just say it was really freaky.

I was so happy I was being shook awake, because that dream was a nightmare.

Anyway as I opened my eyes to the sight of a guy that looked exactly like the albus Dumbledore from the fourth harry potter movie. **cough** "are you for real..." I said blinking, "you're wearing a bath robe..."


End file.
